Scar's Soliloquy

George R.R. Martin once said "Nobody is a villain in their own story. We're all the heroes of our own stories." After reading the archaic Anglo-Saxon tale Beowulf and John Gardener's Grendel, I began to see some semblance of truth in Martin's words. Grendel is the villain in Beowulf, yet in Beowulf, Grendel is displayed as a bloodthirsty monster, who lacks any conscience or thought. However, in Grendel, the reader gets to see that Grendel is much more than bestial exterior; on the inside, he is inquisitive, thoughtful, reflective, and curious. This revelation in no way excuses the actions that he does, but it provides light to Grendel's perspective and gives clarity to his motives. Inspired, I wanted to take a classic movie villain and write a Grendel-like soliloquy. I chose Scar, from the film Lion King. After writing this piece (to paraphrase C.S. Lewis' words after he wrote The Screwtape Letters) I felt awful and "dirty," (not being a fan of excusing a murderer's motives) but it was an insightful experience to (potentially) see Scar's point of view for his actions. I am in no way a fan of Scar's character. But his tragic arc still has lessons that can be learned. Here is Scar's Soliloquy. 

Even from a young age, I was neglected and scarred for life. My older brother, “the wise and great Mufasa” was always the pinnacle of good behavior and the paragon of virtue. But it was not his seemingly noble personality that irked me (to each his own, as I always say). It was the fact that his pattern of life had to be the one that all of the lions had to follow. Allow me to explain. I was a much more docile and analytical kind of cub. While my brother would gladly puff out his chest and run head first into his problems (being the dumb brute he is), I took a more precise and deceptive route, eliminating obstacles in the shadows with maximum efficiency. Yet, such a personality (or set of attributes) does not get you a wife, a kingdom, or an inheritance. These “gifts” and choice societal attributes were bestowed upon my brother, while I received nothing. Why did I need to conform to this universal definition of “good” character? Why did could I not accept myself the way I was? Why could society not accept me? It was these many years of yearning and sick exhaustion with the world caused me to cleanse and murder my dear brother in such a macabre manner. Finally, the world would take me for who I was, not what I was supposed to be. But the death of Mufasa was not the end of the problem. No, the curse needed to end with Simba. His very ascension to the throne would be proof that this horrid legacy of living a fake life would persevere. That poor, spoiled cub would take the throne, and having only seen the "stellar" example that his father set out for him, become just like Mufasa. This is not what I want to teach my future generation, nor did I want to see Mufasa's death occur in vain. Without a doubt, some will see my actions as barbaric and sinister. But where they see cruelty, I see necessity. Where they see murder, I see retribution. After all my years of struggle, there shall finally be peace across the land.

Poem of Experience: Morning Musings

Since the beginning, there was only the word

Each sy-lla-ble transcribed from God’s mouth

As he spat upon the formless mass, each speck transforming into a new part of Earth,

Yet we took the forbidden fruit, and were cast out

We built buildings, hands sweating and grinding in unified rebellion

But God scattered us all over the Earth, so we could not sin again

Now, each culture and race became distinct and unique

Now, lay grounds for rounds war based off of different physiques

Gun shots symbolize the beginning of a race war

Now as I run, I feel that my feet are cut by blades

Green knives no longer tickle my feet like before

As I look, no comrades come to my aid

Alone, I ponder why I am so different,

I shrink back to uninviting covers, asking why I am so distant

From my old reality where everyone seemed the same

When all that used to separate me and my friends was a name

Why has my skin become that of a banana?

Yellow streaks flashing like my Jordan Retro 99s

Bright hues stab my side and illuminate me

Illuminating the judgement that people place about my outside

There is no sweet fleshy interior on the inside

And I can’t peel off this skin

It has now become a part of me,

As my yoke becomes heavy and I am the cause of other’s sin

My dialect has become numbers,

Adding up and multiplying into a symphony of formulas

I am no longer allowed to love English

Playing the saxophone no more, I am a violin-playing member of the orchestra

Strings of lies drip like soggy noodles

That I “eat every day”

As I pray, to my Buddhist god

Though I wish to show the truth, others don’t believe what I say

Now, there is no mention of other food

Greek Gyros, Vietnamese Pho, and Chicago Style Hot Dogs,

German Bratwurst, Polish Dumplings, and Indian Curry

All disappear amidst the rice, ramen, and legs of frogs

But one thing continues to remain the same

My kimchee has become thick, piquant peppers sting my mouth

Each herb burning scarlet Asian characters within my body

The spices showing prices that I must pay to be myself

I slump defeated upon my blanketed sanctuary

Thoughts vanish of me having a different story

Drowned out by the waves that crash against the coast of the Far East

New memories drown out the old days of glory

Poem of Innocence: Evening Unity

In my H. British Literature class, we recently read William Blake's Songs of Innocence and Songs of Experience. The most notable ones from Innocence were The Lamb and The Divine Image, while The Tyger and The Human Abstract stood out from Experience. Inspired, I wanted to create my own Songs of Innocence and Songs of Experience. Here is the first of the Innocence portion.

Rays glide forth, delicately shedding light upon my silhouette

Jovial shadows that concealed the outline of my bed have now fled

The sun warmly grins, each tooth gripping the darkness,

As it takes a bite, revealing the light that arises out of sky’s carcass

He peels back the clouds to reveal a symphony of sights and sounds

As birds, roaring engines, and alarm clock unite, swarming around

Each ritual fits and covers around my mind

As I throw off blankets and skip outside

Munching my mouth on meals, I throw on my Jordan Retro 99’s

Their yellow streaks making me lightning fast, shocking my spine

This home street of mine has become an expansive valley,

Nostalgic gleams and makeshift palm trees remind me of the Cali

Each piece, whether pot holes, bus stops Jimmy Johns, or light poles

All unite as a whole and all play unique roles

Alone in the streets, yet together with my routines, I scream,

In the middle of the sidewalk, hoping my team will have heard me

They answer the call, fresh white pajama pants gleam

As comrades trip down steps, ready to seize the day and reign supreme

I run races, feet lightly kicking off shoes

Leaping side by side with my friends, not worrying of who will win or lose

My feet get tickled by soft green feathers

We all fall down and make angels in the pastures together

The night has returned, beckoning us kindly to go back inside

Our parents too shout (more forcefully) for us to take our strides,

And return home their voices being our guides

Though we want to fight, we depart ways and say we shall meet another night

Though in different households, we are all the same,

We like the same foods, play the same games, just have other names

I eat my rice and kimchee, letting the spices dance on my tongue

Craters being made where each herb was flung

I live in their skin, for our friendships are not based on outward color

But off our love for Father God, even if we come from different Mothers

Mellifluous Maledictions

Though I did not get past preliminaries, I performed this piece for LTAB (Louder than a Bomb) 2015. Hope you enjoy it.


In the beginning there was...the word…

Transferred from the waters that stirred to form the seas on the third day,

For when God spoke, darkness broke, the piercing light won the fight over the formless night

Yes, on the day of creation, God saved the world from desolation and rose up the nation, uniting us under one language,

But with the bite of an apple, we built towers of Babel, and began a never ending-battle, with words

No longer “in God we trust” it’s now “all about us” as we wage world wars with our mouths, letting profanities fly out,

And now unlike before, we have become stewards of Gondor,

We refuse to give up the crown of our hearts back to the true king,

We let our ears get swarmed by a storm of music, movies, and TV

And let the Messiah get cut down by this cyclone,

Looks like Kanye West and Jay-Z did a poor job of watching the throne,

The latter leaving us a Blueprint to follow and what path we ought to walk,

Of how to look at women and structure our talk

As we are told to sip the can of pop culture,

And let the sin sizzle in our throats,

Then vomit back caustic phrases

And let those unforgivable curses become our daily source of liberation,

Why swearing and profanity is so shockingly frequent, that it is hard to have a conversation that is decent

And no matter the reasons for people's treasons each word leaves my skin beaten, the curses pierce my side like a lance

And though I take a moral stance hoping that people will snap out of this horrific trance,

I can't leave it up Chance because these problems are just too Common

Intertwining with every 2 phrases like Batman and Robin

Robbin clean words from their mouths, and scarring innocent souls, turning them into Two-Faced criminals

And as Lamar is dropping bars, the curse words shine bright like stars,

Looking notoriously big in an atmosphere of celestial beauty,

How can I strive to be a good kid in this m.A.A.D city?

It seems as the metal-detectors of our mouths don’t realize the deadly weapons that we carry,

As they let f-bombs pass through security

And while the female dogs bark and howl at our dirty mouths,

The soles of our shoes pick up dirt of the ground and our souls become dirtied by the smack of the locker room sounds

But, I’ll be a Rebel and Anomaly, and break free from the Gravity of profanity,

That despite the calamity and abnormality of reality, I will press on to a cleaner mentality,

But people tell me, to grow up

That swearing is simply a natural part of life,

That a few words here and there are alright,

That I am a lone knight, and a flickering light, counting from 0-100 as I fight these fire Drakes

But I am not doing this for my own glory,

I speak cleanly to glorify the author of my story,

And point back to the first time in Eden,

When no one was eatin’ and God wasn't leaving,

Back to the first day, before the world had stirred

Back to the beginning, when there was just... the word

Fp= Force of Pain

They say Fg= to the force of gravity

The force that’s supposed to keep me rooted like a tree,

Planted by streams, of living water…

So why is it that I feel as though I cannot be free?

From this sea, of equations that’s pulling me down

Surround sound is all around me, as I make playlists on Spotify filled with uplifting tunes

Hoping that the medley of harmonic frequencies will save me from this typhoon, of pain

As my late nights are filled with herbal tea and Starbuck’s coffee

I’m sipping every last drop, and pouring the exlir into my eyes,

It is no surprise that every night I’m struggling, on the floor sprawling

Free falling in class I’m stalling

Waiting for that clock to constantly accelerate,

And liberate and penetrate this class I hate…

I’m just asking for this occasion for there to be constant acceleration,

But there is strong gravitational time dilation, and the class does not look like it will hasten,

This course has become the center that my centripetal force, of worry revolves around

And despite the change in time, there is no impulse for me to stay, on this ground

It is just not right,

That when God looked at the world on the seventh day,

He had the audacity to say that the class called AP Physics I would be okay

To have on his pure Earth

Forget the snake and his crafty schemes,

The mix of the alphabet and numbers elicits much more screams

As they combine to form sinister equations,

With mysterious variables and deformed faces

It seems as though when I throw my seeds of learning on the path…

The birds eat it up and the sun unleashes its wrath…

Scorching and burning up every last root

For my faith is shallow, and they fail to dig down deep

The fruit of my labor is much less sweet…

For when I sink my mouth into the flesh, I attain no knowledge, good or evil

So let me ask you: what is the point of science and mathematics!?

From Pythagorean theorems to rotational kinematics?

For the founding fathers of American literature have much more celebratory antics

For one can party all night with Fitzgerald

Lie down in the grass with Whitman

Cringe at the apocalypse with Vonnegut

Revisit revolutions with Dickens

But wait, there is more!

Can you say that you have leapt through fires with Bradbury?

Or unearthed the scary tales of Edgar Allan Poe?

Hid from Big Brother with Orwell?

Taken walks in the woods with Thoreau?

Have you ever fought angry fruit with Steinbeck?

Explored the seas with Hemingway?

Poured out your anger with Richard Wright?

Run with Dickinson, encouraging her to fight?

Because with Newton, everything falls

Apples tumble, smacking heads, crashing telescopes

While Galileo gropes, looking to the stars for inspiration

Rather than being than lapping the miles and enjoying what he has in this nation

But though I have these negative reflections, when I look in the positive direction,

Through this collection of information, my brain has amassed a permanent appreciation, for this subject

But, where science discovers, literature creates

Yet still, I must learn to embrace, the mechanics of this world

So though my evenings, mornings, and afternoons, may be filled with much gloom

As I measure out my distress in empty cups of doom,

And the sorrows of tomorrow become the tribulations of today

As I’m caught in the fray and learning has been delayed,

I will strive to master and learn this difficult class…

And at the end of the semester, be crowned and Kinged, Free at Last!  

Exodus: Father God, Mother Nature, or Angry Child?

I must apologize for my lack of posting as of November 7th. School had gotten really busy, but now, with a new year ahead, I hope to be more regular with my posting. Here is just quickie review of Exodus: gods and Kings.

Anytime a story from the bible is to be adapted into a feature film (or any form of entertainment for that matter), controversy is to be expected. Look at Darren Aronofnsky’s Noah, a $125 million biblical epic that, despite its star-studded cast, received mixed reviews from critics, was a moderate success at the box office, and received a slew of critique from Christian critics. Having personally seen the film, I can say that despite the creative decision to add six-armed rock angel giants as well as Noah’s misinterpretation of God’s plan for him as obvious flaws of the film, the number one problem I had with the film was the portrayal of God. In the film, God is simply given the title of “the Creator” and is depicted as an emotionless, uncaring, confusing, and enraged entity, bent on punishing humanity, while silently cackling behind the curtain. Knowing this, I went into the screening of Exodus: Gods and Kings a bit hesitant and weary; would this Ridley Scott directed film with a $140 million dollar budget and an even stronger star-studded cast right the wrongs of Noah? Would there finally be an accurate portrayal of God in film?

Ultimately, the answer is no, but the way Scott’s portrayal of God (or rather, his lack of) is quite interesting, if not also troubling.

Ironically,Ridley Scott attempts to downplay the role of God in the Exodus story. He does this by finding natural explanations for the 10 plagues that haunt Egypt. The climactic parting of the Red Sea is the work of four tornadoes occurring at the same time, rather than by God. The 10 plagues are simply movements of one grand concerto, each playing directly into each other, rather than them simply being individual miraculous installments. Although God is present (portrayed as a young child with serious anger issues) Scott tries to keep God’s involvement to a minimum. Yet by doing so, he only further solidifies the need for God to be at the center of the Exodus story. By attempting to take God out of the equation, the worldly explanation for the miracles seem ridiculous and ludicrous. So in a way, the absence of God in the film turned out to be its greatest asset. For the Christian viewer, one can simply laugh at the sheer absurdity of the 10 plagues unfolding, despite their cinematic glory. For the non-Christian viewer, there will also be a sense of disbelief as Ridley Scott frantically tries to connect the dots of how the Blood of the Nile River can lead to the Plague of the Locusts. Can one take God out of the Exodus story? (or any biblical story for that matter?) No. As evidenced by the film, there will always be a missing component. What one has left is a group of exiled Israelites who are saved by a stroke of luck. Luckily (instead of providentially) Mother Nature is the savior of the story, rather than Father God.

To be enjoyed

I step out of the car and retread the steps from days past

Never missing a beat, placing my foot expertly on the archaic pavement

This path into school has become second nature

Each of the 26 bones pressing firmly into the charred Earth; they are no strangers

To the routine I have done for the past 2 years

A never ending loop

Mechanical and reptilian, swirling around like a serpent

With cold emotionless eyes

As it consumes a meal of 99 cent coffee and 4 hours of sleep

It’s venom puncturing the vessels of life

Convincing me not to be the hero in the strife

And despite my efforts to quell the poison,

I slump down, defeated, and let instinct takeover

Shutting off the higher functions of my grey matter

I drop the mix of creative thinking, letting it splatter

As I jump around in its breathing puddles

Instead I embrace this creature called Routine

Squeezing it deep into my chest, crushing it to powder

Ravenously consuming the crumbs that are left behind

I tell myself that today will be the last time,

I ignore the what life has to offer

I say I will refuse to be a stalker

For rather than admiring it from a distance

I can finally glimpse its true brilliance

But I ask for an extension of one more day

Just one day more, before I turn my attention to you and explore…

But life treads on, showcasing its beauty to an audience who is too tired to be listening

It sighs, letting the curtain fall once more

It has heard the excuses

No longer giving tardies or late arrivals, only worrying about it survival

As it struggles to keep the toxin-infected class interested

This is the umpteenth performance, and the critics are not pleased

And on life goes, its gold quickly fading…

But today, must be different

Today I must step into the light, fighting for what’s right, with all of my might, and refusing to cower back and take flight

Were we not meant to live lives of more substance?

To rise above the pain and swoop below the mundane?

To explore the unknown and accomplish great feats…

Rather than Live die, and then repeat…

So I urge you to take joy in what you have,

Take time to enjoy the leaves of grass

To carve your own path

To take the road less traveled, rather than the wide and easy path

For life was meant to be enjoyed