Note to Bus Driver on 82

Dear Bus Driver on 82,

Okay, I’ll admit…
It was...like 12% my fault
14%
26%
49%
Numbers roll across my mind like the words out of my mouth,
As I curse that abomination, that scorn of mankind
With his tussled blue uniform and unkempt hair
With his crusty looking glasses and condemning stare
I hate him

“You kids always listening to your headphones!
You never pay attention to directions
You’re always in your own dimension
I should not be the one telling you what stop to get off at”

How dare he treat me like a typical teenager?
Maybe others can listen to their shallow music and soulless lyrics
But my Ipod is more dignified than that
Whether it’s smooth jazz or gospel choir
I promise to strive for something higher than the low expectations society has placed upon us teens

But you don’t see that
You cut me down before my first word is spoken
You think that I am just “one of those teens”
You make your world built from stereotypes and lies
Your eyes are blinded to the fact that I can be different

You think that we all have to be the same by our physical description
You seem to have a conviction whatever I say, it won’t change your decision
Because whether I am of different race, color, or religion,
You will still see me and define me based off of this one definition
You won’t give me any sympathy or second chance

But while these thoughts cloud my mentality
I’m snapped back to reality, and I see him looking at me still
This time, with a sardonic look
As he waits for me to get off, for I have wasted enough of his time
His eyes roll faster than the wheels of this cursed metal monster

“Devon was the last stop sir!” He shouts
“Maybe if you had paid attention you wouldn’t have these doubts”

I turn, and though I wish to strike him down,
I make no sound, and let my anger fly out
As I unleash the floodgates and empty my mind
Of all my anger and fury

Was I supposed to know that McCormick meant Devon? 
Why must you poke holes into my personal balloon called “directionally challenged”
As the air saps out and my secret is loose
Why must I bear your words and have them flutter like an assassin in my ear and have them stay there, not coming out
Letting the spices of mockery permeate and sit on my head
Did I deserve your cruel words and cruel expression? 
As you beat my confidence to the ground without submission?
You should have known the route...It was not my fault
You spawn of the demon, that’s what you are!
It was just one mistake
Yet like an earthquake, you break down the wall of cordiality that protects me and vent
You’re a sad excuse for a human being
A Hamlet without a his father
Odysseus without his Penelope
Winston without Julia
Marko Palmas without his Ariadne
How can you condemn me before you even get to know me?

Haha well I know who you are!
Your life needs no explanation
Your heart is only filled with evil motivations
So I’ll leave, and never see you again
And while I’ll be a veteran you must begin
To realize what you did wrong

But...what am I doing?
Am I condemning you?
Have I committed the very crime that I have been berating you about all this time?
Now I see that the joke is on me
As I attempt to take revenge
I too swim at the shallow end of the pool
I search for no depth and swim only in comfort, seeking rest

But you too are created in the image of God
You too can receive the gift of redemption through Jesus
And though I’ll probably never see you again, I just want to say sorry
Not just for my cruel words and angry thoughts, but for the fact that I focused on certain spots of you, and made them define you
For not taking into account your history
Feelings
Desires
And struggles
Forgive me, I’ll will be better

Sincerely, 

Zachary Lee

A deed for a deed...makes you clean?

“Life usually takes more than it gives, but not today. Today life is giving us a chance.”

“To do what?”

“To give a @#$%!”

This exchange takes place between an anthropomorphic raccoon named Rocket, and a human bounty hunter named Star-Lord in the film Guardians of the Galaxy, which I was able to view a few weeks ago. Having learned my lesson from Dawn of the Planet of the Apes, I came into the theater expecting action and adventure, but I also looked for a deeper message amidst the impressive visuals and snappy dialogue. I was not disappointed. Guardians of the Galaxy may not be the deepest or the most moralistic film to hit the cinema, but it did raise one question and challenge one theme that plagues most films today: does one good deed cancel out a lifehood of wrong?

This post will not be a review of the film, but I will be discussing key plot points, so spoilers are to be expected. The guardians themselves (Star-Lord, Gamora, Drax the Destroyer, Rocket Raccoon, and Groot) are flawed. Each member has his or her own twisted sense of moral justice and narcissistic ambitions. Rocket is cynical and selfish, Drax is bellicose and homicidal, Gamora is uncaring and deceptive, Star-Lord is cocky and coarse, and Groot is passive and stoic. Not all of the characters are happy with where they are at, but they are content enough where they do not wish to change their lifestyle. One would never find this bunch of characters hanging with one another.

From left to right: Gamora, Rocket, Star-Lord, Groot, and Drax
Image credit: Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures

However, circumstances thrust “a thief, two thugs, an assassin, and a maniac” together to save the planet Xandar from utter annihilation. All of these characters have lived their lives by their own selfish intentions but now, they have the opportunity to stop a villain and make a positive impact on the universe. Though all of the guardians came from tragic backgrounds, they were able to push their differences aside and unite as a team. With wit, the backing up of the police, and a very large gun, Star-Lord, Gamora, Drax, Rocket, and Groot are able to defeat their enemy and (rightfully?) earn their title as Guardians of the Galaxy.

At the end of the film, Corpsman Dey (a member of the intergalactic police force) tells the Guardians that he will wipe all of the guardians’ criminal records clean, but any crime they commit after that day will be punishable by jail time. Drax and Rocket humorously comment on whether “removing someone’s spine” or “stealing” is illegal, to which a horrified Dey states that those are heinous crimes. Though the scene is meant to evoke laughter, what struck me was whether or not these guardians really learned their lesson from what they went through. Did one act of goodwill make them changed? To quote Paul Asay from Plugged In, have the guardians been redeemed or reformed? Yes they did something heroic by sacrificing themselves and putting their lives on the line to save the world, but have they truly changed? Do those subtle comments by Drax and Rocket reflect the underbelly of the problem: that the guardians are still struggling with their inner demons? Did their one good deed wash their sins away?

Ultimately, God’s action of sending his son to die for us redeems our life of sin. As far as the east is from the west, God forgives us and has forgotten our sin. Though we are redeemed, we must live reformed lives. Now that we have been liberated by a gracious God, we must continually battle with our sinful nature and our new nature. It is our responsibility and duty not to succumb to the temptations of the world. I felt that at the end of the movie, the guardians still had their problems sticking to their sides like urchins. This notion is further supported when Gamora asks Star-Lord what they are to do now that they are free and clean. His answer? “Something good. Something bad. A bit of both?”

In many ways, that quote (as well as the one in the beginning of the post) reflect the film. The guardians have overcome a low point in their lives, but they must be wary that their old nature does not come back to haunt them. As Christians, we too must constantly battle to make sure our old and sinful nature does not overtake our new Godly nature, and even when the battle gets tough, to call upon God. We must take ownership of the responsibility God has placed on us. But at the same time, we must acknowledge that it is hard for people to change. It is only God who can fully transform and change the most wicked of souls. That is the power of the gospel. Our effort to fight the good fight and to finish the race is the response to what God is doing in our lives.

The Bugs and the Breeze

My younger brother Jonathan wrote this humorous poem yesterday, while contemplating the horrendous plague, otherwise known as mosquito season. 


I like cheese 
but I really hate bugs and bees
I just wish they would go away like the afternoon breeze
wish they would halt like when a captain says cease
or they could just freeze.
So please, when it comes to the Lees, don't bring no bees fleas or fees. 
All that stuff just gonna make me sneeze and wheeze.
These bugs make me want to give that spray a big squeeze
or burn them all in an oven over 200 degrees.
But still I’d much rather have some piping hot Chinese.
If you deliver I’ll make sure to leave some spare keys.
So lets just have this be a decree,
when I talk you can all just go to your knees,
okay fine maybe not so official, jeez.
Man there are too many cicadas in these trees.
But it’s no different than a debate between Mac or PCs
man you bug lovers are hard to please
Don’t you know these ticks give Lyme disease??
I don’t know about all the Lee’s
but until all the bugs are gone, I’ll never be at ease.

IMPROVing self-esteem: Finding comfort in my identity

The following post details an activity that I participated in through the University of Chicago’s Collegiate Scholars Program (or CSP for short). For more information about the program itself, feel free to click the link: https://collegiatescholars.uchicago.edu/

If you were to walk in to room 603 (or 802 for some days) in the Logan Arts Center for the past three Fridays, you may have seen several desks upturned and flipped over, backpacks, shoes, and homework all strewn about the frigid floor, and several students who appeared to be getting stabbed, throwing around an angry cat (like a hot potato), or gently caressing a baby. In short, welcome to Hold the Script: A Short Introduction to Improvisational Theater, a two-hour improv class taught by Alex Morales (the sophomore coordinator of CSP). Improv, according to Alex is “the foundation of most theater. It is acting without any knowledge of what is going to happen next, and without a script to cling to. All actors have some improvisational training.” How did a simple definition, one email, and an enthusiastic teacher turn the Logan Center into such poetic and beautiful chaos? Allow me to explain...

When I first heard of this improv class, I was excited that it would help improve my acting and public speaking skills, but I was also skeptical. I had participated in two elementary school plays prior to this class, so I guess you could say I had “theater experience” but all it amounted to, was memorizing a script. For those plays, I was cast as the Herald in Cinderella and Lazar Wolf in Fiddler on the Roof. If one were to go even further back into my past, they would see that I portrayed a robin, among various other critters in my kindergarten school plays. I had always grown comfortable with a script in my hand, happy that as long as I memorized it, I would never falter or look like a complete fool on stage. There was a natural flow and an aura of assurance that I felt whenever I knew the lines in advance. But to tap into my creative energies? To act but with no script or crutch? To create something entirely new out of thin air? To (gasp) actually go to work without a plan!? Oh the pressure was too much…

But I did have an acting bug, and I wished to become immersed in this form of acting. I had also never met Alex before, and wished to meet him. I walked in for the first session, (30 minutes late!) and began pacing around the room along with everyone else, as Alex told all of us to take a deep breath, and to prepare for what was to come.

(As of now I am trying to write this post on the spot, in the spirit of Improv, so bear with me if my level of vernacular decreases and grammar gets loose.) 

Let me say, that it would take a long time for me to hear the word, “prepare” again. These classes were hands down, super fun and amazing! We would often begin with a short recap of what the previous lessons were (those lessons usually being about defining an important aspect of Improv) but after that, everything was up in the air! From games such as scenes in a hat, party quirks, scene switch, question game, and a plethora of others whose names I forget, I never knew what was coming up next, and always had to be quick and think on my feet. Alex brought in a dynamic and new way of teaching that was less about him, and more about the students. He would constantly ask us about the problems, the solutions, and the ideas for future activities. It was by the second session when I ultimately realized what Improv was about: Improv was ultimately about being comfortable with yourself. While a script is a good thing, it can hinder an actor’s performance and abilities. Actors and actresses can become attached to the script and use it as a crutch, rather than as a tool and amplifier to help make their performances stronger. There were several moments where I was pressured to act in a scene based off of very limited criteria and I would often freeze up, trapped in my world about how to properly execute the act. Then an atomic bomb in the form of Alex’s words would blow up that world to bits, because he would shout “Don’t think! Just let it flow!” I often found that in those moments where I spoke the first thing that came to my mind and did so with passion and fearlessness, that was when I had the most fun and that was when I learned the most. 

Now I don’t think that the lesson to take away is to never plan for anything and just take things as they are. Another lesson could be that even if things don’t go the way as planned, don’t make such a big fuss or a huge deal over it. Rather, just loosen up and tackle the new problems with calmness and maturity. Improv was an eye-opening experience and it was one of the most insightful classes I ever had. I also learned what true camaraderie and companionship meant: it meant acknowledging other ideas and humbly accepting them, rather than continually pressing for your voice. There were a few times where I would want a scene to go a certain way, but my partner would push the scene in a new direction. I could not simply destroy what my partner had done, but instead I had to build and act upon what he or she did. I could help cultivate the seed, but not completely uproot it. This proved to be a challenge, but it was a great way to help me bond with my fellow peers and jokingly laugh and go along at how they took the scene. It was great seeing so many different points of view based off of one criteria. It taught teamwork among other students, something I was not expecting, yet was quite happy about. Alex ultimately stressed how we all had “it” (however that may have applied to all of us) and we should not be afraid of our ideas but instead to simply embrace them. 

But there were also rules to this world that Alex crafted. He asked an intriguing question of “how many numbers are between 1 and 2?” The correct answer? Infinite. When one is faced with criteria, that person has the responsibility to create a world around that criteria (using whichever of the infinite possibilities they have at their disposal) as long as they stay within 1 and 2, and don’t branch off to 3. This realism (within the theater world) was extremely important for teambuilding and communication. One could start a scene with “Hey I like this space station”, but the other person could not respond with “This is not a space station.” There are many ways one could answer the “space station” statement, but all of those answers have to be within the reality of that world, rather than branching off to a separate idea. Alex also taught to channel any energy (whether positive, negative, nervousness, etc.) into every scene. 

Overall, I am glad that I had a chance to participate in the class. Improv ended up being much more than learning how to act without a script. It became a vessel for creativity, and a wake-up call for everyone to be happy with themselves and the ideas they have. It taught the importance of teamwork, and the importance of including every voice. By accepting ideas and letting those diverse streaks of color paint the blank canvas, people in the class were able to create a colorful collage that represented one whole, while highlighting everyone’s special gifts, and even idiosyncrasies. 

While I truly enjoyed my time in the class, the message Alex was conveyed felt incomplete. As a Christian, I am satisfied with who I am because of my identity in Christ, not because I am innately good. Even if everything else in the world may fail me, God’s amazing love and grace will always prevail. This is where I draw my confidence from. Since God made me, and since I am a child of God, I can remain confident in my identity, and do need to feel as though I need to seek approval from the world. 

But I still enjoyed the class, and I hope Alex will continue to teach the class next summer and I can’t wait to implement these skills in the coming school year.