Thursday, July 30, 2015

Poem of Innocence: Blackout

Back in April, I wrote two poems entitled Poem of Innocence: Evening Unity and Poem of Experience: Mornings Musings, based of of William Blake's Songs of Innocence and Experience. This is the next poem based off of that motif.


Though my eyes search, they do not see
My irises are dancer’s feet, sliding gracefully
Tip-toeing on clouds as they prance across hidden abyss,
Waltzing to a medley played by an orchestra of darkness 

Light winds transform into strings section played by skeletons
As boned fingers slide across guitar necks, playing chords of elegance
Malevolence vibratos as the floorboards draw back their bows,
Creaking rhythmically with each step, launching a volley of arrows

Though I try to switch to a different setting 
Feeling the walls as I climb on creaky boards and comfy bedding,
The night makes me stub toes on bricks and LEGOs,
Turning walks across the kitchen into voyages of the unknown

Darkness covers me like shades, drawing me
Into the depths of the unknown, a bottomless sea
Where the waters wave goodbye to the sun, washing it ashore 
Drowning out life till it breathes no more, 

Yet I try to convince myself that I matured from my youth
That my fear of the dark has died away and that a new found courage has taken root,
But in my attempts to be bold, the dark responds with strife 
My strength is like hot butter, and night cuts confidence like a knife

Ousting out power, my courage has become liquidized 
I utter no battle hymns and only whimper lullabies
My real eyes don’t realize the real lie that the world before me is not different 
That if lights were working properly, I could see that in an instant

But I am told that I should look at the bright side of this experience, 
So alone, I meditate and contemplate in silence 
But there is no Jekyll in this Hyde
No, Night is simply a Jackal dressed in a pleasant hide

I want to show its true colors, so I strike flame, hoping the light will match the dark
Fruity aromas wafe through the air from just one spark 
As parts of wax drip like blood from candles,
Fire licks up red flesh, as it drives back shadows

Yet even so, beams of light can’t stop dark bars
As Darkness raps, its terrifying lyrics cutting skin, leaving scars 
So even when with a snap, the world changes,
Night’s haunting melody will be embedded in my mind for ages 

Monday, July 27, 2015

Identity Crisis

I wrote this for my Precalculus class last year. First physics and now math....looks like there's a recurring pattern of turning my academic struggles in school into poetry.


Cosine is always being restricted to one side
x/h is all its known its whole life
And on that rare occasion when it can have a new identity,
Adjacent/Hypotenuse becomes its new reality

But when you put two of ‘em together
A u+u he starts becoming real clever
All of sudden he be feeling just a little more free
Blessed by the father he’s got a trinity of identities

First coming up we got cos2-sin2
Take away the sin, drop a 2 in front, and it’s looking fair
But then add añade a –uno and now y’all done
Behold the first name: 2cos2-1

Finally this last part is not looking too difficult
Put up 1 and take away the square of your sins; cos shouldn’t be visible
This last part is critical, drop down a 2 in front
1-2sin2 has ended your first hunt

From the very beginning, sin be feeling real heavy
All its life its been called sin and been seated on the bench like Jeremy Lin
Always being forced to look at the opposite
Gaining opposition when its tried to change its definition

But when sin gets squared he’s hoping for another chance
Tellin homies to snap out of this trance, he demands
We take a stance and pay attention to his name
The “most important formula” is the title he wishes to attain

1-cos2u needs a place to rest its feet
So sin2 demands to get a 2 underneath
But cos2 also gets his power reduced,
Unlike sin2, he just has a – between 1 and cos2u

But tan2 wants the best of both equations
A hungry formula, if he’s not properly fed, he’ll get aggravated
He has 1-cos2u is the first thing he’ll eat
And a 1+cos2u underneath is proof he is complete

But now even though cos2 and sin2 have their disputes
Their opposite signs attract them like magnets, keep them in close pursuit
And when they are finally added on top of each other
They become one entity, like two twin brothers

Now even though sin likes to think of himself as an outlaw,
He is still constrained by the law, and must atone for his flaws
Restricted by the state, he must take an angle, and divide it by its side
But these only work for triangles and help find the angles that are inside

But sin can also help find the area of a triangle
.5 times any two sides times the sin of the third side’s angle
Will give you the same answer like a ½ bh
As long as you pick two and the opposite side’s angle, you won’t lose

Tangent was always the weirdo of the bunch
He would never get invited out to lunch
With sine and cosine
Depressed, he would often come home and whine,

But he was much better than his bro, tan2u
A formula that was too full of himself and would never work hard or pursue
He had 2 tans up on top and 1-tan2 on the bottom,
Till the end of his days, he continued to have an ego problem

Now last but not least, we got the tale of sin2u
The noblest of all equations, he was always in a good mood
Though he was content with being 2sinu, he thought something was missing,
But he never said these thoughts out loud; he would always be reminiscing

But one day he was walking through Pythagorean Street
He saw poor cos dying of starvation, who had nothing to eat
He took him under his wing, and became 2sincos
And from that point on, that is how he would be defined

Wednesday, July 22, 2015

What I believe

I...believe...
That people have intrinsic value apart from what they can and cannot do
That the result does not always matter, as long as you pursue
And become refined by the journey you take, rather than the benefit you can make
I believe in the stubbornness of evil is a harsh and caustic reality,
Yet God gives us liberation and a hope of transformation from sin's finality
Jesus breaks the fallacy,
That we must be slaves to the world, and not children under his care,
That one always has time to spare, when in the care, of family and friends
That as the most personal relationships form
Friendships should survive the trials and storms, of life
So I pray that through the fray, and the trials of many days,
That the most personal relationships will stay
I believe that the power and beauty of literature is something to be enjoyed,
That a world without such a gift, would be bereft, and void

Monday, July 6, 2015

SWDD #7: Anakin Skywalker/Darth Vader

No matter how far I fall away from God's grace, he is always there to guide me and forgive me, despite my sinful and rebellious heart. I am reminded of Psalm 139:8 which states "If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there" (NIV). No matter where I try to run, God will be there, and there is always a chance and a choice for me to choose him above all other things. And yet, the mind-blowing thing is that I cannot save myself; it is instead God who works through the Holy Spirit in me; my salvation is not of my own actions, but rather through God's mercy. It is this redemption and mercy that is found in today's final SWDD character: Anakin Skywalker/Darth Vader; a character who started off with such promise, fell from grace, and then redeemed himself in the end.

Hayden Christensen as Anakin Skywalker
Image credit: Lucasfilms

Anakin's story begins with The Phantom Menace, where, though he started off as a junk shop worker, was liberated by Qui-Gon Jinn and Obi-Wan Kenobi. Anakin continued to prove himself afterwards, winning the podrace contest and destroying the Federation droid control ship. He was later accepted as an apprentice to Obi-Wan Kenobi and became a jedi knight as well. During Attack of the Clones, his list of feats only continued to grow, stopping bounty hunter Zam Wesell and fighting in the pivotal battle of Geonosis. Though he suffered the loss of his hand due to Count Dooku, Anakin did not let his physical ailments stop him; he continued to serve as a strong, dynamic, and brilliant commander during the Clone Wars. Anakin's legendary reputation coupled with the cryptic prophecy of him being "the chosen one" made him the center of much talk and speculation. 

Yet, despite the fact that Anakin initially showed a lot of promise, he ended up being the reason for the end of the golden reign of the jedi. The seeds of Anakin's capacity for violence was hinted at after he murdered all of he Tusken Raiders, and was more clearly defined when he killed Count Dooku (he also did other questionable acts in the Star Wars The Clone Wars TV series) but those deeds were only the stepping stones for his true barbaric acts; murdering countless jedi including younglings. Having given his soul to the dark side and been manipulated by Darth Sidious, Anakin cast off the mantle of jedi, and became Darth Vader. Though Anakin claimed that the actions he was doing was in the name of love for his wife, Padmé, he didn't realize how twisted and selfish he became. 

Darth Vader flanked by Imperial Stormtroopers
Image credit: Lucasfilms
Though Vader was severely wounded by Obi-Wan Kenobi (who cut off both of Vader's legs and his other arm), Vader continued to push past the pain and became the Emperor's enforcer throughout the galaxy, wiping out any renegade jedi, destroying any members of the Rebel Alliance, and putting planets under the Empire's control. While Vader was once a man who fought for the valiant jedi order and who had a wife in Padmé Amidala, his heart became just as black and mechanical as the armor that grafted his body. Vader became embittered over the years, losing all semblance of humanity, and embracing the Dark Side as his comfort.

Things changed however, once he realized that he had a son: Luke Skywalker. In the ending scenes of Return of the Jedi, Darth Sidious ordered Vader to kill Luke, but Luke got the better of Vader, slicing off the dark lord's right hand. Sidious then told Luke to kill Vader, and when Luke refused, Sidious began electrocuting him, increasing the voltage by small increments as time went on. As Vader witnessed the Emperor torturing his son, Vader picked up the Emperor and tossed him off a ledge. Vader succumbed to the grievous wounds that Sidious had inflicted upon him (for as Vader tossed Sidious off the ledge, Sidious also shocked him with lightning), but not before talking with Luke and telling him that "you already saved me" and that there was still good in him. Even after spending so much time in darkness, Vader was able to redeem himself and choose good over evil. 

Father vs Son
Image credit: Lucasfilms

2 Corinthians 5:17 states "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come" (NLV). I can relate to being like Vader; letting the weight and gravity of sin overwhelm me and looking for other things to find satisfaction in. Yet, in Christ, I can be a new creation. I am saved not only from the penalty of sin, but also the power of sin. Romans 6:11 states "In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus" (NIV). I do not have to be beaten by sin; like 1 Peter 1:3-5 says "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade. This inheritance is kept in heaven for you, who through faith are shielded by God’s power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time" (NIV). There is a hope; Vader could have easily watched his son die and went on living as the Emperor's pawn. But he chose differently. I do not have to succumb to the trials of the world; I can live in my inheritance through God.

Well, this wraps up the SWDD series. I hope you all have enjoyed it. There were other characters that I wished to include, but didn't quite make the cut. Next May, I will post a new SWDD series. 

Friday, July 3, 2015

SWDD #6: Darth Maul

You may have seen one lightsaber in action. You may have seen two. Thanks to General Grievous, you may have even seen four. But the Dathomirian Zabrak Sith Lord Darth Maul has a double-bladed lightsaber. With his menacing, spiked head and blood-red skin, Maul proved a formidable match for both Obi-Wan Kenobi and Qui Gon Jinn, with Maul eventually killing the latter. While normally it would be unwise to judge a book by its cover, Maul's piercing and savage look is meant to strike fear into anyone he encounters (not to mention the audience). Maul's film career was restricted to a one picture deal (i.e. The Phantom Menace) but his deadly prowess is explored more through the Star Wars The Clone Wars TV series, which acts as a sequel to Maul's The Phantom Menace arc. Though Maul's onscreen accomplishments may be limited to just the murder of one Jedi master, off-screen, he became leader of the Mandalorian terrorist group called Death Watch after killing its previous leader Pre Vizsla, fought Darth Sideous and survived, and beat Dooku and Grievous in single combat.

Ray Park as Darth Maul
Image credit: Lucasfilms

However, it is not due Maul's inordinate accomplishments that made me want to choose his as the penultimate character to the SWDD series. It more about Maul's character arc, how he was murdered at the end of The Phantom Menace, was (literally!) resurrected and given new life during Star Wars The Clone Wars' season 4 finale, and yet, ultimately returned back to his old, sithful sinful ways, despite a new chance at life. As stated before, at the end of The Phantom Menace, Maul was sliced int two by Obi-Wan Kenobi, and his bisected remains fell down a reactor shaft. No one expected the character to actually survive (he was cut in half!) but Maul did, eventually finding his way to Lotho Minor, and acquiring a spidery, six-legged, mechanical apparatus to replace his legs.

Darth Maul in his first appearance after his "death"
Image credit: Lucasfilms

During his time on Lotho Minor, Maul never forgot the humiliation and shame that had been brought on him by Obi-Wan Kenobi. He never stopped cursing the jedi, and became more mentally unstable during the years that he spent on that planet. When his brother (Savage Oppress) finally came to pay him a visit, Maul's mental condition had deteriorated to such an extent, that he could not cohesively form sentences; his speech was reduced to that of barks and snarls. Oppress later took Maul to a Nightsister Sorceress named Mother Talzin. Talzin then pieced together Maul's mental consciousness and gave him a new set of legs and his lightsaber. Once the healing process was complete, a newly christened Maul emerged, looking more dangerous than ever. 

Darth Maul in his second appearance
Image credit: Lucasfilms
With his legs back, Maul immediately turned his attention to the one who caused him all the years of pain: Obi-Wan Kenobi. From this point on, Maul would continue to devote all of his efforts to hunting down the Jedi. Later, he would try to win back the favor of Sideous, who would attempt to kill him in turn. Maul would then attempt to stage an uprising against Sideous, and would fail yet again. As of now, Maul is living on an unknown planet, trying to hide from both the Jedi and Darth Sideous; a demeaning ending for a warrior who was once so feared. 

Darth Maul in his third and final appearance
Image credit: Lucasfilms

Maul was a character who was blessed with many second chances. He should have died in The Phantom Menace, but because the screenwriters didn't have better ideas  for whatever the reason, he survived. Even when he was given the chance to live life again, he returned to his old ways of killing, pillaging, and scheming. Maul could have been a redeemed character who turned his life around despite a previous lifetime of evil. Yet Maul didn't; he never fully escaped the gravity of his past and felt an innate need to return to being an apprentice of Darth Sideous and a dealer of evil. Maul's arc is tragic, one that could have shown so much promise and hope, yet he ultimately returned back to his old ways. Though physically he is still living, he is "dead" on the inside. 

Proverbs 26: 11 states "As a dog returns to his own vomit, so do fools repeat their folly" (NIV). This could not be more true for Maul; he returned to the vomit of evil, and only ended up repeating his folly. Due to my sinful nature, I too return to my folly and vomit of sin; Paul expresses trouble with this too in Romans 7:15 when he states "I do not understand what I do. For I what I want to do, I do not do, but what I hate I do" (NIV). I know what is sinful and what is not sinful in this world, yet I my fleshly desires gravitate towards the sinful. Even when I am born again through the salvation that God gave me, I still feel temptations to indulge in sinful practices. But God has given me his word to not succumb to temptations. Romans 12:1-2 states "Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will" (NIV). As I continue to struggle with temptation and sin, I know that I can offer my body as a living sacrifice to God; I want/need to be changed by God's will. 

Thursday, July 2, 2015

SWDD #5: Chewbacca/Chewie

Grrrwaaaaaarggggh!

Or if you want to hear the sound: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pr3sBks5o_8

Believe it or not, this guttural concoction of walruses, lions, camels, bears, rabbits, tigers, and badgers has a deep and profound meaning. Whenever Chewbacca, the famous wookie from Kayshyyyk, growls, howls, or softly speaks, an unintelligible mass of harmony comes out. Apart from Yoda, Han Solo, and C-3PO, no one in the film series understands what Chewbacca is saying. Even if Chewbacca himself were to try and explain what his growls meant, no one would be able to understand his explanation. Luckily, there always happens to be a translator around to explain Chewie's dialogue, but if those translators were not there, then other characters would have been left in the dust to exactly what Chewie was saying.

However, not once through the entire film saga did anyone question Chewie's loyalty to the Rebel cause. No one feared that the bellicose and brown-furred wookie would turn his might bowcaster upon them. There was not an inkling of suspicion that Chewie would sneak off in the middle of the night and give away crucial Rebel Alliance secrets to the Empire. Everyone trusted Chewie, despite the fact that not everyone knew what he was talking about. They saw that though they could not understand his growls, through his actions, he exhibited that he was fiercely loyal, immensely caring, and worthy to be trusted. Chewbacca was a character that expressed his love and devotion through actions, not necessarily through words.

Peter Mayhew as Chewbacca (left) alongside Harrison Ford (right) as Han Solo
Image credit: Lucasfilms

1 John 3:18 states "Dear Children, let us not love with words or speech, but with action and truth." (NIV). Even if Chewbacca wanted to, he could not express his love to his comrades through his speech; if anything, attempts to do so would have frightened his friends because wookie dialect consists of plethora of wails and screams. Yet, Chewie did not let his "speech impediment" get in the way of showing his care for his friends. Through Chewie's actions, people of the Rebel Alliance could see his loyalty and love, and troops of the Empire saw a formidable opponent to be feared; an opponent whose loyalty could not be bought.

In the same way, God commands me to love others in a deeper way that transcends words. It can be easy for me to simply say phrases such as "I love you" or "I'm sorry." But to truly love and to truly be sorry requires me to do more than just say those words. I must show through my actions, that I understand those meanings. It is important also to remember that God did not just love me through words; he took action and sent his son Jesus to die for me. A death that I deserved to die. So as God took action in my life and saved me, I will take conscious action to spread his words to others and love in a way that transcends speech.

My Song

This piece is not of my own composition. This is my friend Christopher Kim work. In it, you will see the experience that he gets whenever he sings. It is a powerful, riveting, and impassioned piece that puts to words, the emotions of what it is like to sing and be free. I will be sure to post more of his work in the future, but for now, enjoy this piece.

When I sing, I feel like the world stops moving and all things around me come to a halt.  The air becomes still as I focus solely on hitting each note and making the perfect intonation.  The wonderful patterns of notes that come together to form songs seem to command the atmosphere.  Anywhere one walks, music expressed by my vocal chords powerfully communicates a language that people of any race, background, or culture can understand.  Yet like communication comes in many languages, music comes in many different styles, each of which evokes unique feelings and emotion. 

Singing has been an inherent part of my life.  From a young age, I have grown up with traditional hymns sung at church or my mother singing the Brooklyn Tabernacle gospel in the kitchen.  All these experiences have come together to form my own style of singing.  While my voice can be as grandiose as the opera singers in their majestic halls of gold, it can also be as soft as a prayerful soul singing a hymn in a tranquil sanctuary.  At times I experiment with vocalization, painting intricately woven musical patterns across the air like the flurry of an exotic bird.  I skillfully maneuver through the notes, being careful to dodge the flat keys and avoid the sharps.  Each note must be a bullseye; the shot must be clean and full.  Although still in development, my vibrato can be as powerful as the waves of the ocean.  I take a breath in preparation for the climax of a song and start to crescendo into the peak of the note.  The continuous pulse of my voice, as defined by vibrato, is so fast and uniform like the wave of a healthy heart beat.   My lungs burst with passion as I my voice undulates to a close.  

If I could describe my voice, I would call it distinguishable, like the echo of a water droplet amidst a large cavern. Many have called me talented and counted me lucky to own such a beautiful voice.  All I know is that when I sing, an important part of me is communicated in a way that casual conversation cannot.  When I sing, I speak with my soul and enter a realm that seems to transcend sensation.  I do not scream like rock stars and I do not speak like rappers.  I cannot match the voice of contemporary pop stars, but one thing remains certain: my voice is my own.  It represents the places I have been and the people I have met.  It reflects the way I have been raised and the uniqueness of my culture.  It illustrates the things I have done, the extracurriculars I participate in.  I sing to forget my current circumstances and voice them at the same time.  I sing to feel joy, sadness, anger, pity, and loss.  I sing to praise the Almighty God for each moment He has blessed me with, whether it be a triumph or a failure.  When I sing, I am no longer a bird caged in by my circumstances. No, I know why the caged bird sings.  He sings to break the iron, to break the metal that binds him.  He sings to shout the walls that have shut him in down to dust.  Then he is free to fly.  I sing to fly high among the clouds where people’s judgement cannot reach me.  They shout and shout, but when I am up here, all I can hear is the wind roaring through my ears as I shoot across the sky.  

Wednesday, July 1, 2015

SWDD #4: Clonetrooper/Stormtrooper

Before I begin today's post, take a listen to this:


What you just heard was (arguably) one of the most famous soundtracks of all time: the Imperial March (albeit with a bit more "Rage" in it). Whenever I hear that bombastic soundtrack, I imagine Darth Vader's personal TIE Advanced x1 fighter entering the colossal Death Star. As Vader's ship gently touches the polished and sleek metallic floors, a "storm" of armored, white, troopers stand at attention with their blasters pressed firmly against their chest plates. These are stormtroopers, the Empire's feared foot soldiers. Then, if I'm feeling in the prequel mood, I visualize the sandy, arenaceous, planet of Genosis covered by white, microscopic, dots. As the fictitious camera of my mind zooms in closer, I see that those white dots are not all white; some of them have streaks of red, blue, yellow, and green plastered on the tips of their dorsal fin-like helmets. These are clonetroopers, spawned from the genetic template of the notorious bounty hunter Jango Fett. These troopers are not standing waiting for a Sith Lord to make his grand entrance; they are out on the battle field fighting along side their Jedi masters.

Republic Clonetrooper as seen in Attack of the Clones and with Phase II armor in Revenge of the Sith
Image credit: Lucasfilms

Regardless of whether the films are prequels or originals, the presence of clone troopers/storm troopers has always been felt throughout the Star Wars Universe. Though the show Star Wars The Clone Wars gave the select clonetroopers distinct personalities (i.e. Captain Rex, ARC Troopers Echo and Fives, Hevy, Cut Lawquane, and Clone Trooper 99), the canonical film saga has generally characterized the clones as mindless, expendable, and inept foot soldiers. In regards to clone troopers, those frosted troops serve as the Republic's response to Battle droids. Despite the fact that the clone troopers were cloned from Jango Fett (who, at the time, was the most deadly and feared bounty hunter in the world), they were treated as superfluous cannon fodder; vulnerable soldiers who would be mowed down by the dozens due to Separatist blaster fire.

Imperial Stormtrooper as seen in A New Hope, The Empire Strikes Back, and Return of the Jedi
Image credit: Lucasfilms
Respectively, the clone troopers were very easily manipulated. As soon as Darth Sideous called for Order 66, the "loyal" clone commanders turned their DC-15 blasters on their Jedi allies (and some commanders had been working with the Jedi for several years) and murdered them. The problem with the clone troopers was that they saw "loyalty" as doing whatever they are told to do by their "master." They did not have a mind of their own and simply followed a drone mentality.

Romans 6:16 states "Don't you know that when you offer yourselves to someone as obedient slaves, you are slaves of the one you obey--whether you are slaves to sin, which leads to death, or to obedience, which leads to righteousness?" (NIV). This verse shows that were we place our allegiance in this world is very important. Who we become servants to is important. It can be easy to submit to the hardships of the world, but ultimately, that leads to death. Yet if we submit ourselves to God's will and be obedient, then we can have life.

Thus, unlike the clone troopers (who became storm troopers) I must offer my body as a living sacrifice holy and pleasing to God. I must not be a drone in the world and must not simply go through the motions. I ought to be an active worker in God's kingdom.

The First Order Stormtrooper as seen in the upcoming The Force Awakens
Image credit: Lucasfilms